50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife

Ideas to help you make your bride feel cherished

An old story told from the island of Kiniwata relates the account of a man known as Johnny Lingo. The youngest and strongest man from the island, Johnny shocked the islanders by paying the father of his bride not the traditional two to three cows for his wife, or even the four to five cows for an exceptional wife. For Sarita, he paid eight. No one could understand: “It would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow." Eight cows!? The entire island laughed at the audacity.

Curious about the story, writer Patricia McGerr visited Johnny's home. She was fascinated by what she describes as the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. She wrote about this in a Woman's Day article,   “Johnny Lingo and the Eight Cow Wife”: “The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.” 

When McGerr later pressed Johnny Lingo for his reasoning, he explains, “Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands ... I wanted an eight-cow wife.”

Now, for obvious reasons, please do not immediately tell your beloved, “Hon, you’re an eight-cow wife.” But remember that, at least in part, a man’s impact may be measured in the joy and character of the people closest to him.
The way that a man sees his wife, the way he cherishes her, has a lasting effect on her beauty within and without. How does your wife feel about you and your relationship to her? How do you want your children to remember your acts of love for their mother?  
Here are 50 ideas to get you started toward inspiring an eight-cow wife.

1. Be a student of her. Where do her passions, gifting, and abilities lie? What energizes her? When does she lose track of time because she’s enjoying herself so much? What weights does she bear? (Can you learn incredible things about this woman that even she doesn’t know?)
2. Ask God for special wisdom in understanding your wife and in loving her well (James 1:5-6).
3. Make a list of 30 things that you love and/or appreciate about her. Write them on separate sticky notes, and leave one somewhere in the house every day for an entire month.
4. For what ministry has God created your wife in order to build up His people? Give her time and energy to pursue it.
5. Take care of the kids for a day so that she can have a personal spiritual retreat to recharge.
6. Listen to her sincerely: Observe her words, body language, and circumstances in order to compassionately understand her. Make eye contact with her, and ask thoughtful questions, like “How did that affect you?” or basic who/what/where/when/why/how questions.
7. If she’s got a budding hobby or one that’s been neglected, purchase something small but high-quality that she would enjoy: quality paintbrushes, a beautiful journal, photo software, a top-notch cooking knife, new gloves, athletic equipment (ahem … only if she loves athletics), a well-recommended book on her hobby. Include a note: Just because I love the way you’re made.
8. Pray with her, and for her, on a regular basis. Consider making it a regular item in your schedule, such as before you leave for work or go to bed.
9. Compile a CD with songs that specifically encourage things you love about her. Let her know that you intentionally chose these for her and about her.
10. When circumstances, conversation, or even movies or songs bring up an area in which she excels, lean over and whisper, “You know, you do that so well. I love how you use ___ to bless the people around you.”
11. Identify the “life-suckers” in her life. What saps her energy? Consider the points of friction that she often faces in her daily routines. Prayerfully ask God to help you see not only what weighs on her, but also how you could help her.   Initiate conversation to compassionately find solutions with her. Ask, “What could be done to make that less painful (or less difficult)?”
12. Gently encourage your children to thank her for different ways she serves them: When they have clean laundry, when she serves dinner, when she drops them off at school. (Make sure you’re modeling consistent gratitude for little things, too.)
13. Identify your wife’s “love language”—what makes her feel loved and valued. Is it words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, or acts of service? She may have more than one. Become fluent in each of her "languages."
14. What pleasures in your life do you enjoy that your wife isn’t able to enjoy? She might not be into fishing like you are, for example, but maybe she’d like her own version of alone time. Like you, she might be honored by accolades for her projects well-done, a chance to finish a conversation, or sleeping in on a Saturday.
15. Allow your wife to set your standard of beauty, and make it clear to her that she is secure: Your eyes are only for her. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or pastor and accountability websites like x3watch.com to develop monogamous eyes that come from a monogamous heart … and a husband she can trust. Security gives way to confidence.
16. Talk through your budget together with her. Make sure you both have the resources you need to care for your family well. If you primarily manage the budget, ask her to make at least one change before finalizing it. Esteem wise financial decisions she’s made.
17. Be a student of her body. Ask her, both while you’re in bed and at a completely separate private time, how you can please her sexually and make her feel secure and beautiful. Seek tenderly to understand her past and how it affects her in the bedroom. Be prepared to humbly accept what she says, embracing her without defensiveness.
18. Gently protect her. Lovingly help her set boundaries with her time, energy, resources, and relationships (kids and mothers-in-law included).
19. Give her a massage—one that doesn’t lead to sex, unless she’s clear that making love is what she would enjoy most.
20. Send her an e-mail. Example: “Praying for you today. Thanks for being so courageous in ___.”
21. Give her one night on a regular basis to do something she loves. Occasionally surprise her with an afternoon “off” so she can do something fun or just be alone.
22. Consistently mention ways you see her growing to be more like Christ.
23. Ask her about her “bucket list”—the top things she’d like to do in her lifetime.
24. Give her a book or audio CD to learn about something she loves doing.
25. Text her on a stressful day. Example: “REMINDER: I BELIEVE IN U.”
26. Leave a message on her voicemail: “Thanks for serving our family every day. You are so good at ___.”
27. Be proactive about doing something together that she really enjoys. Make a date, get her excited, and share her enthusiasm!
28. Ask her, “If there were one thing I could do to love you better, to really cherish you—and you knew I would listen—what would it be?” Be prepared to follow through.
29. Tell her areas she’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so she can trust you.
30. Talk with her about setting aside a small part of the budget to pursue the unique ways God has designed her (including her gifts, abilities, and passions)—through education or through sheer enjoyment.
31. Post on her Facebook wall: “I love being your husband. You still take my breath away.”
32. Have your children write her notes or letters about what they love about her as a mom.
33. Ask, “If I could do one thing that would really empower you and inspire you, what would it be?” Listen and follow through.
34. As you think of them, remind her of specific times when she has made an impact in the lives of others. “Hey, I was thinking the other day about all the times you’ve invested in all those kids who come over here. You do such a good job making people feel welcomed and loved on.” “I don’t think I could count all the meals you’ve brought to people who are sick. You are wonderful at seeing people’s needs and giving of yourself to them.”
35. Do something fun and unexpected together. Here are a few ideas: play paintball, laser tag, or sand volleyball; organize a picnic and bring the books you’re reading; take photos of each other; play a pickup game of a sport together; go to a drive-in movie, bringing popcorn and her favorite candy (let her initiate any physical advances for this one).
36. Think about a way you’ve been hurting her or annoying her. Maybe there are ways you’re not “seeing” her—not stepping into her world to understand what it’s like to be her, with all of the things she cares about (see 1 Peter 3:7). Apologize, and work hard at showing true change.
37. Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis, even if it’s working outside together or playing the Wii together after the kids are in bed.
38. Create a fun, life-giving atmosphere when you come home.
39. Design a date night that will help her to de-stress and have fun. (Dare I suggest ballroom dancing lessons?)
40. What’s difficult about her life right now? Pray for her endurance, and encourage her specifically. Galatians 6:9 is a great start for both. Think, What can I do to ease the load she’s carrying today?
41. Organize or clean something of yours that you know she finds messy.
42. Talk with her about her fears—both deep and insignificant. Over time, lead her as you work together to replace those fears with faith in God as expressed in His Word.
43. Send a snail-mail love note to her at home, affirming all she does for your family.
44. Think of something on her to-do list that she finds overwhelming or for which she doesn’t have much time. Talk with her (respectfully and gently) about the possibility of having it hired out (maybe you could pay a responsible high school student to log a few hours on housework). Communicate clearly that it’s not because you find her incompetent, but that you want to free her up from a burden.
45. If your wife likes to dress nicely, go with her to shop for clothes in which she feels confident and looks fantastic.
46. Be an advocate for her rest. Gently help her to evaluate and set limits on her to-do list, reminding her that she loves others best when she takes time to replenish.
47. Let her overhear you speaking well of her on the phone—among friends, to your kids, in public places, and to your mother. Tenderly but firmly keep family members from speaking disrespectfully to her or about her.
48. In her area of weakness, pray about how to subtly, gently step in and help her.
49. Request, “I’d like you to think about something for me. I’d like you to tell me one area in which you want to challenge me, but you wonder if I will listen and if I’ll receive it well. If you’ll do that, I commit to listen to you without getting defensive or somehow punishing you for telling me.”
50. If and when she messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives us. Respond in a way that communicates, You’re safe with me—and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow … and I love the journey with you.

One final note: Maybe you are a man who initiates many kindnesses to your wife and you don't receive much respect or kindness in return. Or perhaps you’re a woman reading this under the burden of a husband who doesn’t serve you or protect you or cherish you. May you be gently, compassionately encouraged: Giving without mutual gain puts you in good company—the company of Jesus. May God give you significant grace as you pray for your husband and encounter the nitty-gritty, everyday battles against resentment and, in many cases, injustice. Our God is the God who sees

50 Ways to Make your Wife Happy

Do you remember the last time you did something to make your wife feel special? When you married the woman of your dreams, you not only gained a friend and a lover for life, but a confidante, a helpmate and a caregiver. She is someone you know will steady you when you are faltering and will go all out to cheer you up, when you are feeling low. She is the mother of your kids.

So, do something special to make your wife feel glad that she married you. Whether you are a brand new husband eager to make her the happiest bride, or a long-wedded spouse wishing to rediscover the fun-loving girl you married, here are some infallible ways to make your wife happy.   
Write a romantic letter. Love letters written by hand never go out of fashion. Put your most romantic thoughts on paper, preferably perfumed, and it will surely light up your wife’s eyes. 

2. Surprise her with a meal you have cooked. It need not be something elaborate –just a salad, a main course and her favourite dessert should do. But take care to set the table for an intimate dinner, with candles, flowers and soft music.
3. Arrange to go on a luxury cruise. All women love being indulged and what better way to spend a long weekend than go on a luxury cruise in balmy waters and golden sunshine. But make sure that you leave the kids behind, so that your wife can have some time of her own.
4. Invite her family over. Your wife’s parents mean a lot to her, so ask them over for Thanksgiving or any such special occasion. It will assure her that you consider them part of your own family and this will make her really happy for marrying you.
5. Surprise your wife  with flowers for no reason. Make her fall in love with you, all over again.
6. Book her a session at a luxurious spa and better still, join her. She will not only enjoy the spa session, but will be happy that you came along with her.
7. Do something she hates. Choose a chore - like taking out the trash or cleaning out the garage - that your wife really dislikes doing and then go on to complete it. 
8. Show appreciation for her hobbies. Attend the exhibition where your wife’s craft works are on display, or a flower show where her dahlias have been put up. Your interest in her hobbies will give her a feeling of pride and gladden her heart.
9. Gift her an afternoon at the beauty salon. Offer to take care of the kids and let your wife pamper herself at the salon. She’ll come back glowing not only because of the recent facial, but also out of appreciation at your gesture.
10. A sure shot way to make your wife happy at the end of the day is to pick up her favourite dessert on your way back home.
11. Surprise your wife by dropping in at her office at lunchtime and then take her out for a quick bite. It may not be very romantic, but your wife will love the spontaneity of the gesture and the fact that you took time out from your own schedule for the lunch date.
12. Join a salsa class for couples. Your wife will be glad of the intimacy of the dance and having the chance to do something fun together.
13. Make a bowl of popcorn, when your wife settles down for her favourite TV show or movie. Surprise her with your thoughtfulness.
14. Surprise your wife with a really expensive gift, like a Cartier solitaire or a Gucci handbag. Watch the sparkle in her eyes and hang the expense.
15. Do something fun together. Find out fun ways of spending time together as a family. You could pack a picnic basket and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon at the park, while the kids run about playing games.
16. Recreate your first date. Take your wife out in exactly the same way as you had done on your first date. The romantic gesture will be sure to make her giddy with love and happiness all over again.
17. Put together a gift basket for your wife, with assorted aromatic oils and let her sensuous side feel pampered.
18. Offer to take over, when your wife has to wake up at night to soothe a colicky baby or a sick child. Even if she may not seem grateful at the time, the fact that you have given her a chance to catch up on her sleep will surely gladden her heart the next day.
19. Find out your wife’s favourite perfume and gift it to her for no particular reason.
20. Give your wife a back or neck massage after a particularly gruelling day at work and she is sure to thank her stars that she married you.
21. Ask your wife what she would like to do, before you get ready for an intimate evening.
22. Really pay attention to what your wife has to say, especially when you are in company. This will make her feel respected, even though you may not agree with all her views.
23. Find things to compliment about her. All of us like being praised from time to time, but more so, when the compliment comes from a spouse. However, be genuine in your appreciation, as false praise could make her feel worthless and even hurt her.
24. Take care of your appearance. Nothing turns a woman on as a well-groomed and well dressed man. Become that man and give her one more reason to be glad she married you.
25. Offer to take your wife out for shopping and be honestly interested in what she has to buy. She will be glad that you chose to give your time and effort to her shopping interests.
26. Gift your wife a subscription to her favourite magazine. It'll make her happy to know that you pay attention to what interests her.
27. Go over old photo albums with your wife one afternoon. It will not only bring back warm memories of you together, but also make her want to relive those happy times.
28. Invite your wife’s best pals over for a meal. Making a genuine attempt to know who her friends are, will make her proud and happy to have you as a husband.
29. Kiss her the first thing in the morning. Women love simple displays of love and waking up your wife with a kiss, is sure to set her humming for the rest of the day.
30. Cheer for your wife’s favourite sports team.  So what if your wife is a diehard soccer fan while you can drop everything for a game of baseball. Just this once, switch on to her favourite match on TV or better still, root for her favourite team and watch her beam at you.
31. Put the kids to bed. After a gruelling day at work and home, your wife is bound to be tired up to her eyelids. Even if the same goes for you, go another mile and tuck in the kids to bed. Your wife will surely be grateful for your thoughtfulness.
32. Remind your wife that she is beautiful. As couples settle into a routine of familiarity, they slowly stop appreciating each other. Remind her that she is still the most beautiful woman in the world for you and watch her glow with happiness.
33. Say sorry when you have made a mistake. And mean what you say. 
34. Play host to your wife’s boss. If your wife expresses a desire to invite her boss over for dinner at your home, agree to it graciously and be the perfect host. It will mean a lot to your wife and she will be proud to have such a supportive husband.
35. Write a poem for your wife. In these times of electronic modes of communication, a poem that you have composed yourself, will make her feel really special. And be sure to make it as romantic as possible, whether it rhymes or not!
36. Be the one to make the morning coffee. Bringing a steaming cup of coffee to your wife’s bedside on a cold morning, is sure to put her in a happy frame of mind for the rest of the day.
37. Snuggle up to her. Women love the feeling of physical intimacy. Snuggling up to her, now and then, will make her feel desired and happy to be your lover.
38. Surprise your wife with tickets to a romantic movie, especially one that she has been planning to watch for some time. But be sure to accompany her and don’t leave her to go with a friend or co-worker. She will be happy to relive the earlier days of your romance.
39. Hold your wife close at social occasions. This will not only make her feel loved but reassure her that you are proud to have her as your wife. And this in turn will make her feel happy.
40. Make breakfast on weekends and serve it to the kids so that that your wife can sleep till later. Better still, bring it on a tray to your wife in bed and watch her beam with happiness.
41. Treat her like a lady. No woman can resist a man with perfect manners. So even if you have been married for some time now, continue to hold open the door for her and pick up her things if she drops them. She will be glad to know that you are still the gallant young man she fell in love with.
42. Willingly accompany your wife to family events. Granted, that you are bored among all her cousins, aunts and uncles. But make a sincere attempt to look happy at a family wedding and your wife will be sure to appreciate the gesture.
43. Send your wife a bunch of flowers at work and sign off as a mystery lover. Chances are that she will correctly guess you have sent it, but she will love the drama of it all.
44. Call your wife once in a while. Say that you were missing her and just wanted to hear her voice. This will assure her that she figures in your thoughts even while you are busy, and make her really happy.
45. Leave a love-you note on the bathroom mirror. Better still, make it funny so that it leaves a smile on her lips for the rest of the day. 
46. Don’t offer a solution, immediately after your wife mentions a problem. Women often tend to voice problems as a way of discussing things and most likely, they are aware of the solutions themselves. So simply listen to what she has to say and offer a solution only when asked. She will be glad of having a good listener.
47. Flirt with your wife now and then. Go back to the old days when you flirted with each other shamelessly.  This will not only spice up your marriage, but also make your wife feel desired and happy.
48. Be punctual. Just because you are married now, does not mean that you can keep your wife waiting for a meeting. Continue to be punctual as you were when you were dating each other and she will be glad of your responsible personality.
49. Don’t forget to take out the trash and any such chore that you both have decided is your responsibility.
50. Let your wife know that you have been reading up on ways to make her happy. It may seem to amuse her, but actually she will be pleased to know that you are interested in making her happy.
51. Finally, remember to put the toilet seat down. Nothing will make her happier than to have a man around who follows this cardinal bathroom rule.

Every woman likes to be pampered now and then. While gifts and vacations are infallible but extravagant ways of making your wife happy, remember that there are many simpler ways of putting the sparkle back in your woman’s eyes. All it takes is a bit of generosity and a truly loving heart to make her feel glad that she is your wife.

10 Little Defining Moments In A Woman’s Life

As I grow older (and I’m writing about this as though I’m about to turn 70), I’ve hit certain moments in a woman’s life that aren’t often discussed, but at some point, happen to every woman.

The moment when…

10. …she stops dressing for anyone but herself.

9. …she decides to accept and love her boobs for what they are — or just uses a push-up bra and is done with the whole thing.

8. …she has the balls to turn someone down, to their face, instead of being polite and telling them it can’t work “right now.”

7. …she says, “screw it” and uses her laptop as a heating pad, which is probably not healthy, but again, screw it.

6. …she stops lying about her age. There are two moments when she does this: when she’s around 19, she stops lying about being older, because she thinks it makes her cool, and when she’s around 27 she stops lying about being younger, because… she thinks it makes her cool.

5. …she fully embraces her inner “I don’t give a fuck” lady, the lady who comes to save all us women at some point. Some are lucky enough to be visited by her early in life. Some of us don’t meet her until we reach our 30s or beyond. But once she comes, she’s here to stay. And it’s so freeing.

4. …she finally stops agonizing over texts and asking her friends to analyze them with her, like they’re poring over the Warren Commission and she’s a second shooter believer. She realizes now that she no longer has time for such nonsense.

3. …and she reaches the point where if they don’t text back, she believes it is entirely their loss, and moves on with her life.

2. …she doesn’t care if she’s tagged in an unflattering photo, because what does it matter, really? She knows she’s hot.
 
1. …she realizes the only type of woman that she has to be is the woman she already is.

10 Things NO Gentleman Should Ever Rush

We’ve become increasingly busy. Time is now the most precious gift known to man, but it is all too easily drowned under work duties and mundane engagements. As a result, we rush around like foxes being hunted, trying to squeeze in as much as physically possible, tiring ourselves to the brink of exhaustion each day.

Being busy has became second nature in the 21st century, rolling off the tongue like water from a tilted plate. But there are some things in life that require time and thought. These are the situations where rushing can be detrimental and where acting in haste can have punishing consequences…

FOREPLAY

You shouldn’t need to be reminded.

GETTING READY IN THE MORNING

We all like that extra 15-minute snooze – if this were illegal I’d be serving life, for murder of the morning – but I do this at a cost. My stubble is as even as a field of corn ravaged by swarms of pigeons, my hair looks as if I have a blind badger for a stylist and my clothes… well, apparently they make the days of tie-dye seem cool again.

Those 15 minutes could be my key to getting in fashion’s door. Or, perhaps, at least making the conscious decision to look in the mirror and decide the tie-dye look deserves to make a comeback.

PREPARING A DINNER PARTY

Rushed guest lists, untested menus and zero preparations are the ingredients for a terrible evening. Unless you’re Jamie Oliver, who could feed the 5,000 with 3 minutes on the timer, dinner parties require thought and planning. Do a Noah and build your arc before the rains come.

INTRODUCING YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO YOUR PARENTS

There can be few things worse than inviting a girl home, only for her declare at supper that she’s thinking about moving her 3 children – whom she had with a hippie she met while backpacking through East Asia – out to Canada to help club seals because she blames them for global warming. But not before she’s served her time in prison. Parents don’t need this stress.

Be sure to know the girl you’re introducing to your folks – a couple of weeks are surely the bare minimum. The bubbly girl you met in Infernos last night probably isn’t quite ready for the call up.

ASKING A GIRL TO MOVE IN (SETTLING DOWN)

Actually, I correct myself. There is one thing worse than taking her home too soon. And that’s asking her to move in with you on a whim.

ACCEPTING A NEW JOB

A change of career is not a decision to be made in haste. Yes, while sat staring at a computer screen the prospect of teaching huskies to pull a sled on the Arctic snowfields may be tempting, but do you really want to do that? I mean, really?

PLANNING A HOLIDAY

Travel is an unreachable itch, but there are always constraints – time and money. For most of us, squeezing holidays into our 9-5 becomes a scarce affair – once or twice a year is usually as far as our wallets and days-off allow. So get it right.

A PUTT

You wouldn’t build a house before drawing and analysing the blue print, so don’t putt before you’ve judged the line and slant.

CHOOSING A GIFT

Because the guy who chooses the first gift that springs to mind always get a great reception from his girlfriend. Oh wait…

A MAJOR INVESTMENT

Regret’s a bitch. Especially when it’s attached to a price tag that has depreciated faster than a second-hand toothbrush. When making a major investment such as a house, car or antique watch, take your time and ensure you’re making a wise choice.