Hold On for One More Day

I celebrated my 37th birthday over the weekend. Which means I’m of the generation who totally listened to Wilson Phillips on a yellow Sports Walkman. Over and over and over again I played that Hold On cassette. Yes, those things that came before CDs. And the internet. This was the early 90s and I was playing the starring role of Angsty Teenage Girl. I wanted SO MUCH. To be understood. To be accepted. To be pretty. To have a boyfriend. To drive a car. To grow up. To live in a big city. To be anyone but who I was. My heart physically ached 24 hours a day. That kind of longing is something I hope to never experience again because it was so debilitating—and probably annoying as hell for my poor parents (sorry, greg + pat!). I’ve spent most of adulthood learning how to be grateful and content with what I have and who I am IN THIS MOMENT. That doesn’t mean I’m complacent or okay with the status quo. 

It means I’m accepting in a way that allows me to go after what I want without anxiety or fear of not achieving it. I believe that I’ll be okay no matter what because I am okay. This past year, however, really challenged me. Just when I thought I had “it all” figured out, the ground started to give way. Suddenly I wasn’t sure what I wanted in my career, for my life and in some of my relationships. Everything that had been so certain and so clear looked different. Or rather,

I was different. For someone who likes to think she’s in control of her life, there’s nothing more unnerving than watching even the tiniest thread unravel. What I learned this past year (often the hard way), is that the key isn’t to try harder or push against what’s happening, it’s to be patient. Only with patience can we truly hear our inner voice and allow change to flow in—without fighting it, forcing it, or even trying to understand it. That’s when the good stuff happens, even if it doesn’t feel that way when you’re in it! I may never get super comfortable with change or being in limbo, that’s not how I’m built. But right now I’m going to hold on, have patience and see where life takes me. Love, Bets

P.S. I don’t talk about my personal life very often on the blog because, quite honestly, I get bored listening to myself talk. But lately I’ve been wondering if I should, if it would help to have a forum for sharing the struggles that we all face in our careers, relationships, and in our own heads, where so much of the damage gets done. Thoughts?