Can this nightly ritual really boost your self esteem in 30 days? Let’s try it.

Jennice Vilhauer, a therapist in Atlanta, says her patients over 15 years share one commonality: They struggle with low self-esteem.
 

Regardless of what life situation brought them to her, it’s at the core of every problem. They fixate on what they perceive as their unfavorable traits and the false narrative seeps into every aspect of their lives. It’s an actual bias in their brains that bypasses the positive and highlights the negative.
“Once you train your bias, it becomes more of an automatic process,” Vilhauer said. “When you constantly think about what you don’t like about yourself that becomes most active in your brain and is the most accessible.”

Much has been written about how persistent negative thinking carves itself a pathway in the brain, like a well-tread hiking trail. But research has also shown that it can it be paved over, redirecting thoughts down a friendlier path.

Vilhauer, who is the director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Program at the Emory Clinic, has given her patients a small homework assignment for years that she says has successfully improved their self esteem. She claims this one exercise, when completed every night for one month, can actually retrain the brain to focus on personal positive attributes.
This is what she asks them to do:

• Keep a pad of paper next to your bed and every night before you go to sleep, write down three things you liked about yourself that day.
• In the morning, read the list before you get out of bed.
• Keep adding 3 new things to your list every day to keep the list growing.
• Do this every day for 30 days.

The science behind the exercise is that over time people will begin seeking out good things about themselves throughout the day. After the first couple of days of doing the exercise they’ll run out of broad superlatives like, “I’m nice” or “I’m generous,” and have to identify more specific positive attributes like, “I cooked my family a great dinner” or “I listened to a friend in need.”
What starts to happen, Vilhauer has found, is that eventually the brain won’t automatically cling to negative thoughts. People with low self esteem may receive many compliments in a day, but one criticism will be the thing they focus on and believe. With this exercise, because people are attuned to the positive things about themselves, they’ll be more able to accept the compliments. Ultimately, if taken seriously, it can rewire the brain for greater self worth, she said.

Other similar cognitive therapy exercises may ask people to keep tab of the good things about their day to retrain their brains, but what makes this different is that it forces people to be self focused and recognize the good in themselves.

Christine Medina, a strategic life coach in Los Angeles, read about Vilhauer’s exercise in Psychology Today last year and decided to try it. She filmed herself talking about it every day, and posted her “30 Days to Self Love” progress on YouTube. This week, she wrote about her experience for Vilhauer’s Psychology Today author page.

“It can be difficult to think of three brand new things you love about yourself, but doing that exercise got me into a positive mind-set,” Medina said in an interview. “Having a list of what you love about yourself every morning definitely gave me energy.”

While doing the challenge she also faced two major life stressors — a move she didn’t want to make and bad health-related news.
“It forced me to be positive at a time I didn’t want to be. I wanted to throw myself a pity party, but it didn’t let me,” she said.
She described it as very challenging, but said it did reframe her inner dialogue.

She urged me to try it.
With Spring around the corner, a season symbolic with new awakenings, it seems as good a time as ever to take the challenge.  So, I am going to start tonight and I’m inviting everyone to join me. (Who couldn’t benefit from a little self-love?)

If you’d like to join, email me at colby.itkowitz@washpost.com with the subject line: self love. After 30 days we can compare how it went and I’ll share our results here.

Viable Solutions for Credit Card Debtors

Since the recession, America’s willingness to incur debt seems to have surged back with too many people accumulating huge credit card bills that might take more than 4 years to pay off, as per a report by WalletHub, a finance website. The reports suggest total credit card debt to have increased by $70 billion last year to $900 billion, which is till now the highest amount recorded since the economic depression. Hence, the average US household now owes more than $8000 on their credit cards.

Irrespective of whether you’ve been left with a holiday debt hangover post your holidays or you’re struggling with your previous debt load, you should make 2016 the year to free yourself of all debt burden. This is the best time to put together an appropriate debt payoff plan and also restructure your budget. If you’ve been looking for ways to pay off debt in this New Year, here are some steps to consider.

1. Increase the minimum payments: Provide yourself with a chance of getting out of debt sooner by paying more on the minimum payments which are due on every personal loan and credit card. This way you can prevent the interest charges from accumulating and save money. And if you have a tough time doubling the minimum payment, consider boosting the frequency of payments so that you can bring down the balance.
2. Set yourself brand new spending limits: Are you always turning to credit cards whenever you fall short of money? Do you have a tough time staying within your budget? If answered yes, you should know that this is high time that you set some new spending limits. Take stock of current spending habits and recognize some of the main areas where you usually overspend. Create a frugal budget and try your best to follow it throughout the entire month. Also inculcate the habit of saying No to few purchases.
3. Downsize your life: Well, the idea of compromising your luxuries is not always a welcoming suggestion but this can help at times. If you think that cutting down some of your expenses won’t be possible, try to downsize and eliminate. Pay for only that you need and not for things that you want. Revise the difference between your needs and wants.
4. Consolidate your debt: You can either opt for balance transfer programs or consolidate debt with professional debt relief programs. The debt consultant can help you combine your debts into a single monthly payment and also offer you an alternative debt repayment plan keeping in mind your affordability. Lower monthly payments can ensure easier debt repayment.

Once you take the above mentioned debt repayment steps and gradually start eliminating debt, you should reward yourself. Resolve to pay down debt this 2016 so that you can give yourself a new chance to rejuvenate your financial life. Think twice before saying yes to credit card offers in the near future as they can become nasty debt generators once you start misusing it.

10 Ways Travel Can Enrich Your Career and Life

Want to have a successful business or career? Then, join the legions of free-spirited travel junkies who blithely explore and see the world! While these folks aren’t as wealthy as Donald Trump or Kanye West, frequent travelers truly have what it takes to be successful in their career or business.
Everyone knows that traveling is a wondrous adventure that promises to put you into a state of euphoria. From diving into intriguing foreign customs to treating your palate with delicious culinary staples, there are countless of thrills, joys and pleasures that can be offered by traveling. But as far as I’m concerned, there’s more to traveling than the crazy experiences and unforgettable moments that it brings. As a matter of fact, certified travel junkies – folks who are always on the move – can develop key life skills and traits that will help them become successful in their career or business.

It will give you a thirst for knowledge

When you travel to exotic lands and foreign places, you get to see new things, sample new food and hear new sounds. Then, you’ll become more curious about the places you visit and the people you meet. And soon, you’ll find yourself willing to discover and learn new things. In fact, travel can help you become a globetrotting scholar who’s actively pursuing new knowledge.

It’s a confidence booster

Travel lets you experience amazing things that will take your level of confidence up a notch. Whether you’re skydiving in Cebu or exploring the beautiful places to visit in Canada, every experience and challenge in your trips can make you feel more confident in your ability to conquer and accomplish anything.

It gives you free education

Did you know that traveling can make you a little smarter? Traveling, in essence, is an educational trip that will teach a ton of things, including politics, economy, history, sociology and geography. To be honest, it can teach you invaluable lessons that you won’t learn inside the four-cornered rooms of high school and college campuses.

 It teaches you how to flourish outside your comfort zone

Traveling, in many ways, will take you a step outside your comfort zone, opening a plethora of new worlds and experienced. Faced with new scenarios and encounters, you’ll be compelled to learn proficient coping strategies that will help you manage and survive your fear of the unknown.

It enhances your ability to think outside the box

Want to be a filthy rich billionaire?  Successful entrepreneurs and businessmen are, in general, prolific creative thinkers. They generate concepts for their next big project or investment by freely using their imaginations, and creating connections between ideas that may seem unrelated.
Your ability to generative creative ideas can be enhanced by putting yourself outside of your comfort zone. Thus, in other words, you can become a better and more dynamic creative thinker by traveling frequently. The more people you meet and the more places you visit, the more ideas you’ll get to feed your creativity.

It will make you more adaptable and a better problem solver

From fully-booked hotels and bad street food to wrong turns and delayed flights, there are plenty of problems and challenges that could arise when you are traveling. But guess what? These obstacles will develop your ability to solve any problem life throws at your way.  Plus, these unfortunate events will help you become more adaptable.  In fact, it will teach you how to turn bad situations into something more productive.

Travel will turn you into a top-notch net-worker

In your travels, you’ll meet tons of people from all corners of the world, and build a contact list that may come in handy in your business or work. What’s more, meeting fresh faces, on a regular basis, can greatly enhance your networking skills.

Travel will teach you how to spend money wisely

Frequent travelers may not be super rich, but they are really exceptional, when it comes to financial management. Since running out of cash means being stranded for days and starvation, travel will teach you how to spend your funds wisely, and how to stretch your budget as far as you can.

Travel will make you a great negotiator

Travel junkies are, without a doubt, excellent negotiators. They would use their knowledge, wits and charm to convince a taxi driver to them to places they’d want to go, or to get the best deals in flea markets.

Health is wealth

Conservative health buffs, for the most part, focus on the downsides of travel, like gaining weight and driving too much alcohol. But thing is, travel can also make you a healthier and better version of yourself. Not only will it fend off stress, but it may help you stay fit and fab as well, especially if you delve into thrilling outdoor adventures like hiking.

Online Tax Preparation – Choosing the Right Income Tax Consultants

Taxation is a complicated subject with various kinds of calculations and accounting. It might not always be possible for a common man to understand everything related to taxes and this is where income tax consultants come into the picture. The consultants not only help in making your tax payments convenient and hassle free; they also help in making plans for optimum tax savings. However, it is the taxpayer, who will be legally responsible for everything that goes in the tax file return, even if a consultant prepares the whole thing.

Now, tax returns can be submitted online as well. Whatever be your choice – personal or online tax payment, make sure that you choose the right consultant or tax consulting firm. Majority of consultants are professionals to the core, keep information confidential and are honest. They ensure providing the highest levels of services to the customers. Here are few tips which will help in selecting the right consultants for tax advice and filing tax returns:

• History of the accounting firm or consultants – Any reputed and reliable firm in the USA will be accredited to Better Business Bureau (BBB). Check whether this company or consultant has the accreditation. They should have legal license for carrying out their practices all over the country. To check whether the license is legal and valid, you can check IRS Office of Enrollment for agents who are enrolled, State Bar Associations for lawyers and similar organizations.

• Qualification of the consultant – With proper qualifications, it is impossible to sustain in the job of a tax consultant. As per current regulations all tax preparers need to have a Preparer Tax Identification Number (PTIN). Along with this, the professional should also be affiliated to any institution from where he can update himself regarding the various changes which are coming in the tax scenario. The consultants also need to pass examinations from time to time to ensure they are competent and updated.

• Mode of tax filing – There are two modes of tax filing available in the present times – online tax filing and filing in paper. A tax preparer who submits more than 10 tax returns needs to apply online for paying the tax returns. Make sure that the tax preparer you are hiring is adept to the process of e-filing. The process of online tax preparation is nothing tough, but one needs to know the correct process for the same.

• Easy access – The access to your tax preparer should be permanent. Usually April is the month for due date of paying taxes. The tax preparer should be contactable even after paying the tax return. Various kinds of questions might arise regarding the tax return and he will be the best person to answer the queries. So he should be readily accessible.

• Review the tax return before signing it – Usually tax preparers will get the work done and come to you for the finally signing. Before you put your signature on the dotted lines, make sure that you check the whole thing. Review the report thoroughly and do ask questions whenever you have any doubt. If the tax preparer asks you to sign on a blank tax form, refrain from such a preparer.

Many consultants also offer high quality accounting services along with tax consultancy. They will suggest various ways in which you can save tax and increase earnings while making great savings.

How I Did Some Good Saving on Cross-Country Travel by Road

I have been never much into brainstorming money-saving ideas. However, from time to time, I browse through the tips on cost-cutting, pick up a few that I can easily follow and make a good use of them. There are several areas to cut costs, at least I have learned that but I am reluctant to try them all. One such idea that I have recently applied is how to save money while making a trip across country.
 
I went for a fortnight trip to Sydney from Melbourne by road. After I came back, nobody was willing to believe that I had managed to travel with a petty sum. But I did and here is how I did that.

Moderate Driving
Driving moderately is a way to make improvement on gas mileage especially when you are making a long trip. I made it sure not to go over a certain limit so that I could save on my gas expenses. Most of the motorists pick up high speed while traveling along the highway and during a long trip.
It feels like going on an adventure. But the fact that you fail to realize is it adds to your fuel bill. We had some bags and baggage in the cabin as well as on top of the car. When you carry such loads, it is more important to go slow so that you can get the optimum mileage. It was a tour of 4000 miles that we covered. So it was not a small sum that we saved. Even if small pennies are saved in several aspects of travelling, it could be a big amount.

Discount Deals 
My husband says that I have some bad habits and one of them is to collect discounts on grocery items, clothes or whatever else I could afford even without markdown on prices. I just turned a deaf ear to his arguments and did the same on the eve of our trip. Discounts are available on total packages or individually on some special aspects like hotel booking, flight reservation or special activities.

I did made my vacation plan without involving a tour operator. However, that did not prevent me from enjoying discounts on hotel booking and some particular activities. It was not a peak travel season and most of the hotels had discount offers on booking. Usually, the hotels adopt such marketing strategy to drive the travelers when tourist flow is not very high.

We also availed discount coupons on adventure activities. The organizations running these activities also attract the customers during slack season by offering discounts. We also picked up some passes from our hotel and on the whole, all these contributed to our money saving.

Going for some unusual ways
When you are bent on saving money, you should be ready for some sacrifices if those don’t take pleasure away from your travel. Go with some unusual thoughts to cut costs on your traveling expenses. We booked our hotels for four nights and three days. For rest of our trip, we went for camping. It gave us a real thrill of adventure and at the same time, we saved a lot on accommodation. While resting in camps, we ordered food at the roadside restaurants. Food was tasty but inexpensive.

I managed to save $800 on our road trip. What about your plans on saving money during a trip by road?

20 Things I Wish I’d Known at 20: Sex is personal

A couple weeks ago, in my letter to 20-year-old me, I was congratulating myself on not having been photographed topless. A few days later, I realized that wasn’t strictly true.

My roommate Jen Rector was a photographer, and she took a whole book of very reserved pinups. I’m amazed that I lived in an apartment with a photographer and a full bar and we still only managed to do 1940s-style damage.

It’s a testimony to how cautious I was, which is a shame because your early twenties is a great time to revel in stupidity. Play beer pong with bourbon. Pierce your tongue. Climb on the back of a motorcycle in Indonesia. What the hell.

When you’re young; you don’t have to make smart decisions to make sound decisions. You’re still mapping the territory, so failure is the quickest route between idiocy and enlightenment.

These are a few of the lessons I wish I’d started learning a little earlier. I haven’t mastered them yet, but now you get a head start.
1. Consider the source. If you’re worried about someone who dislikes you, first ask yourself whether they’re an asshole. If you don’t like them, and they don’t like you, that’s not a problem. That’s a mutual understanding.
2. Get off the couch. If you find yourself playing hard to get, don’t pretend to be busy. Just be busy.
3. Don’t waste your time. If you have to play hard to get, move on. You’ll know when you’ve found a healthy relationship because it won’t confuse you.
4. When in doubt, shut up. Silence is a smart negotiation tactic, the best option when you’re processing how to respond, and always more productive than lying about what you’re thinking.
5. Don’t complain. Maybe venting makes you feel better, but letting off steam can also lull you into maintaining the status quo. Unfortunately, the status quo is pissing you off, which is why you’re whining in the first place. If you’re frustrated, turn that energy toward fixing your problems, not bitching about them.
6. Don’t obsess. Worrying is complaint’s ugly cousin. Either use that energy to change your situation, or relax.
7. Find an age-appropriate style. No one wants to see a 20 year old in beige slacks and a wool blazer. Buy trendy clothes, wear the slutty dress, do something ugly with your hair. Be part of your generation, so you can laugh at the photos later.
8. Be polite. It keeps doors open, lessens the potential for misunderstandings, and increases the odds of getting invited back to the beach house.
9. But defend your boundaries. When someone isn’t taking no for an answer, clarify what you want, and then respond forcefully. Being polite to someone who isn’t hearing you is naive.
10. You look good. There’s no such thing as the hottest person in the room. Everyone is attracted to something different, so just take those odds and run with them.
11. Being nice is overrated. In fact, “nice” is the least interesting thing someone can say about you.
12. Keep it to yourself. “She seems nice” is an excellent thing to say about someone you don’t like. Particularly in the company of people you don’t know.
13. Know your audience. When you’re telling a story and someone interrupts you, let them.
14. Let your passion shape your profession. You know that thing your dad says? “If work wasn’t hard, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.” Please. There are professional rock stars, astronauts, puppy trainers, and bloggers.
15. Sex is personal. Don’t bother with one-night stands if they’re not your thing, and don’t judge people for enjoying them (or not). Waiting to sleep with someone doesn’t make you an uptight prude, and jumping into bed doesn’t make you a spontaneous adventure seeker.
16. Focus. The saying, “what you’re thinking about is what you’re becoming” isn’t just chilling, it’s a universal law. Be aware of how you’re investing your attention – including your words, and your actions.
17. Cut yourself a break. Don’t offer a running commentary on your own faults. When you do, the people around you listen. Give yourself space to change your character.
18. Don’t be intimidated. World travelers are just people who bought plane tickets. Pulitzer Prize winners are people who sit alone and write. You can break the most profound accomplishment down to a series of mundane tasks.
19. Choose good company. Ask yourself if a person makes you better or drains your life force. If the answer is B, you’re busy next time they call. And the time after that.
20. Enjoy your body. Odds are you’re more beautiful now than you will be again. Ask your roommate.

10 Timeless Lessons From Dalai Lama

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

What makes this man so interesting? Why do people around the world care about a simple Buddhist monk who heads an unrecognized government-in-exile and an unrecognized nation of 6 million Tibetans? Maybe because he is also a diplomat, a Nobel laureate, an apostle of nonviolence, an advocate of universal responsibility and a living icon of what he calls “our common human religion of kindness.”
As Robert A.F. Thurman wrote: “In this climate of manifold desperations, the Dalai Lama emerges from another civilization, from a higher altitude, as a living example of calm in emergency, patient endurance in agony, humorous intelligence in confusion and dauntless optimism in the face of imminent doom. Through his teachings and writings, he serves and inspires Buddhists worldwide, as well as followers of other faiths.” And here are ten of his timeless lessons:

1. Dalai Lama said: “Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.”
Why he is right: People who consistently perform at a higher level have certain things in common. They are committed to their success, have passion for what they do, have clear goals and are uniformly more comfortable taking risks than most. Their ability to take intelligent risks is an important ingredient in their success and a huge determinant in anybody’s level of achievement. I don’t know what rewards you will enjoy by your willingness to take thoughtful risks, but I know for sure that those rewards will not occur unless you are willing to take those risks. And wouldn’t it be a shame to forgo some wonderful, if unknown, rewards just because you just can’t seem to find your way out of your comfort zone? 2. Dalai Lama said: “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”Why he is right: Mistakes are part of the human condition. Alexander Pope once said “To make mistakes is human”. Clearly, some things never change. Try as you might, you eventually will mess up. How you respond to your error determines just how smart you are. Look for the silver lining in the cloud, even if it’s just an opportunity to learn how not to make the same mistake again (and again). Even better, think about what you may have done well and build on that element. You will have plenty of chances to learn from your inevitable mistakes.
3. Dalai Lama said: “When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.”Why he is right: This is counterintuitive to your wishful thinking to wait and see if the mistake somehow corrects itself. It won’t. If you do not act quickly, and put off tending to the problem, it will only make you feel more stressed, and the problem could get bigger with the passing of time.

4. Dalai Lama said: “Spend some time alone every day.”Why he is right: Give yourself one hour on certain days to do an activity you truly enjoy. Work on a hobby, do some exercise, go for a walk, or read a book. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you enjoy it. These breaks will help you renew your energy and concentration. Or even try doing nothing, try sitting in a quiet room thinking about nothing for at least 20 minutes, twice a day. It sounds simple, even boring, but transcendental meditation isn’t just for mantra-chanting yogis or herbal-tea-drinking hippies. Maxed-out professionals are turning to daily meditation to lower blood pressure, prolong concentration, and crank up creative juices.
5. Dalai Lama said: “Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”Why he is right: When you engage another person in conversation, always think before talking. I know your mind has many random thoughts, but there is no need to expose them to the world. Look at good politicians, sales people, and diplomats. They are masters at saying enough to stay out of a conflict, but somehow they still manage to get a particular point across. So, before you open your mouth, just turn over your thought and try to inject it with a trace of reason, and if it doesn’t work, just shut up!
6. Dalai Lama said: “Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.”Why he is right: A wise person once said to me that if I wanted to learn something, I should teach it. Stephen Covey, one of my favorite gurus, also suggests that the way to internalize an idea, habit or principle is to share it with someone else. Advice is usually overrated. Before you learn what others know, you need to learn what you know. Find someone whom you can mentor on the subject that you want to master. You will learn quickly and indelibly. There are also an incredible number of opportunities for information sharing over the Internet. What if you don’t feel that you are a writer? Well, we all need to work on our communication skills, so writing on a blog like this will give you the practice you need to learn how and increase your skills. So try it! I’m sure you’ll like it!
7. Dalai Lama said: “Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.”Why he is right: These are the things that make us the people we are, they define what is important to you, they determine how you spend your time. Values determine what you accomplish with your time – the results you get. They are the source of your motivation, so don’t be afraid to communicate them. And never let go of your values.


8. Dalai Lama said: “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”Why he is right: Ever heard the phrase “Be careful what you wish for – you may get it”? You may call it luck, maybe fate or something, but yes, sometimes when you don’t get what you want you are lucky because it turned out that you got something better anyways.
9. Dalai Lama said: “A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.”Why he is right: When life’s storms set you adrift in an ocean of worries, you know you can always find an anchor in those closest to you, in your family. You feel rejuvenated when you’ve made a connection with someone who knows you well. It’s just that you’re particularly good at drawing energy and inspiration from those around you, from those who really care about you. So next time life makes you feel pulled in too many directions, set aside some time to restore yourself by spending time with your family. We often get so wrapped up in the importance of money or other things in life that we sometimes forget about the most important little things.
10. Dalai Lama said: “Be gentle with the earth.”Why he is right: Our earth is fragile too, and deserves our gentleness. In this century, man seems to finally realise just how fragile our Mother Earth is – and about time too! Remember the words of Chief Seattle, “This we know: All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. Man did not weave the web of life. He is merely a strand on it. Whatever he does to the web he does to himself.”
The Dalai Lama is the world’s greatest living exemplar of nonviolence and compassion, accessible to followers of all faiths. As one of the greatest people of the 20th century, he offers an inspiring vision of the likelihood that humanity will realize its highest potential in the 21st. Listen to his teachings.