If you want to impress a stranger, here are the body language mistakes to avoid

One way we can “hack” this split-second judgement is to be aware of our body language, especially in important situations. Whether you’re applying for a job, asking for a raise, or meeting with a new client, tweaking or just being mindful of our body language can influence the other person’s perception of us and the outcome of the situation.

15 Body language blunders to watch out for:

1. Leaning back too much—you come off lazy or arrogant.
2. Leaning forward—can seem aggressive. Aim for a neutral posture.
3. Breaking eye contact too soon—can make you seem untrustworthy or overly nervous. Hold eye contact a hair longer, especially during a handshake.
4. Nodding too much—can make you look like a bobble head doll! Even if you agree with what’s being said, nod once and then try to remain still.
5. Chopping or pointing with your hands—feels aggressive.
6. Crossing your arms—makes you look defensive, especially when you’re answering questions. Try to keep your arms at your sides.
7. Fidgeting—instantly telegraphs how nervous you are. Avoid it at all costs.
8. Holding your hands behind your back (or firmly in your pockets)—can look rigid and stiff. Aim for a natural, hands at your sides posture.
9. Looking up or looking around—is a natural cue that someone is lying or not being themselves. Try to hold steady eye contact.
10. Staring—can be interpreted as aggressive. There’s a fine line between holding someone’s gaze and staring them down.
11. Failing to smile—can make people uncomfortable, and wonder if you really want to be there. Go for a genuine smile especially when meeting someone for the first time.
12. Stepping back when you’re asking for a decision—conveys fear or uncertainty. Stand your ground, or even take a slight step forward with conviction.
13. Steepling your fingers or holding palms up—looks like a begging position and conveys weakness.
14. Standing with hands on hips—is an aggressive posture, like a bird or a dog puffing themselves up to look bigger.
15. Checking your phone or watch—says you want to be somewhere else. Plus, it’s just bad manners.

So, what should you do? Aim for good posture in a neutral position, whether sitting or standing. Stand with your arms at your sides, and sit with them at your sides or with your hands in your lap. Pay attention so that you naturally hold eye contact, smile, and be yourself.

If you discover you have a particular problem with one or two of the gestures on the list, practice by yourself with a mirror or with a friend who can remind you every time you do it, until you become aware of the bad habit yourself.

6 of The Worst Lies We Tell Ourselves and What to Do About Each

There are many sorts of lies we tell ourselves.
Some are innocent – we tell them to protect someone because we think it’s better if he doesn’t know about it, or because they can hurt many people. Others are even less damaging – we don’t want to burden others with our problems and tell them we’re fine, or when we want our child to have the last piece of cake we say we don’t want it.

But the worst lies are the ones we tell to ourselves.

Separately, they’re small and insignificant, but after we keep repeating them for years, they become a part of our days and we start believing them, things get bad.
We start living in this illusion of being someone we’re not, doing stuff we don’t like, fearing things that can never actually happen, and much more.
We destroy our peace and emotional freedom and start living in our own prison. This also affects every other person we care about.

Here are the lies we tell ourselves and what to do about them:

1. “I’m fine.”

It’s alright to say it when you don’t want to worry your mother, children or friends. But it’s much worse when you start telling it to yourself.
I’m talking about people who have many problems, and instead of doing something about them, they convince themselves that they’re okay and everything is in order.
But the problems don’t go away. They are just hidden behind this lie, and often get bigger and bigger until one day your world collapses.
What you need to do is be brave and face reality.
You’re a normal human being and even if you’re doing everything right, problems occur. You need to deal with them right away so that you can keep living your life and going after your goals with peace of mind.

2. “I don’t need him/her, I’m better off alone.”

We often push the person we care about away because we think it’s easier not to fall in love and show feelings.
But we end up alone, whether we want it or not. And because the lies we tell ourselves can’t go on forever, things get depressing.
I know we’re all secretly afraid of being hurt and thus decide not to have anything to do with this person, because this way he can’t leave us and break our heart.

But you miss out on one of the most beautiful and amazing experiences life offers you – being in love, having someone special to count on.
It’s okay to be vulnerable every now and then. Others are scared of being hurt too, but life keeps going and you never know if you’re not saying ‘no’ to your soulmate.

So admit it: you need him/her and you’re not better off alone.
Go out there and tell someone you love him. After all, even if he rejects you, you don’t lose anything you actually had before. But if he feels the same way, you get more than you expected.

3. “I don’t need to change. That’s just who I am.”

To some extent that’s true.
But often we say that about our bad habits, when we’ve done something we regret and feel more comfortable to just blame our personality than to actually change.
Most of the times that’s because people don’t really believe that they can change. But they can. It’s in our nature. We’re adaptive and when we don’t like something about ourselves, we can change it.
That’s how we grow, evolve and thrive. And when we stop doing it, we stop moving forward in life too.
So the next time you forget to do something, offend someone, complain too much, are negative, procrastinate, hurt someone, or else, remember that this is just something temporary and you can go back to being the great, compassionate and successful human being you’re meant to be.

4. “I can’t do it.”

Here I’m not even going to give any examples. I’ll just tell you that you actually can.

The word can’t is one of the worst lies we tell ourselves and something we must remove from our vocabulary if we want to develop a powerful mindset.

But you’re not wrong when you say that lie. Whatever it is that you believe you can or can’t do, you’re right. Because that becomes your truth.
After all, we all live in our own version of this world and how stuff works.
But one thing is sure – you can do more than you think you’re capable of. Many men before you have proved that. And many more will.
The easiest way to realize that the thing you consider impossible is not so hard to do, is to let go of past failures, fears, doubts, uncertainties and worries, and just give it a try.

5. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Wrong.
Everyone does.
Happiness is absolutely free, and the universe has a lot of it. Everyone can have as much as they want, and the more they share it with others, the more it gets.
That’s how things work.
Even if you’ve done something bad, you deserve a second chance. You can become a better person, help others, and be happier than you’ve ever imagined.
But the first step is to stop telling yourself such lies and understand that you’re worth it and can be happy again.

6. “Now is not the right time.”

Say that a few times and eventually ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.
The truth is that there’s no better time to do what you want than now. You never know what the future has in store.
This moment is full of opportunities – you can tell someone you love him, get stuff done, go after your goals, call someone, start working on something you’ve been putting off for a long time, say sorry, stop smoking, start exercising, read that book, watch that movie, go out, and so on.
Later may never come and all those things you have to say may remain unsaid, and your life can remain unlived. Are you really ready to take such a risk?

These are just some of the lies we tell ourselves daily. As you can guess, there are many versions of them.
This behavior is self-destructive as we ruin our chances to change, turn our dreams into reality and live a better life.
Only by admitting that we’re lying, noticing when we do it and trying to replace the lies with positive statements, can we embrace freedom and be ready to show the world what we’re capable of.
What about you? Can you think of other lies we tell ourselves?

20 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?

6. When people say they can’t eat alone at a restaurant, you’re like, really? That’s one of life’s simple pleasures! Food? Good. A book? Good. No conversation whatsoever? Perfect.

7. The worst trait any potential lover could have is “clingy.” You need your space like you need air to breathe. It’s essential. If they need to be around you all the time? Dealbreaker.

8. Even if you are attached, you carve out hours of alone time just to keep your sanity (and to keep your relationship healthy and happy, too).

9. The only person you’d ever consider marrying would be someone that also loves spending time alone, otherwise that thing’s never going to last.

10. If anyone that knew you were to describe you, one of the words they’d use emphatically to do so is: independent.

11. Your intuition is on point because you spend an insane amount of time alone and cultivating it.

12. While people around you hate being single, you consider it such a joy to be able to be at the whim of your aloneness and this feeling is especially better if you live alone, because you have so much time to do all your little things that you do when nobody is around.

13. You’re always working on a project –usually something artistic– and you start to get antsy if you haven’t been able to work on it for a few days.

14. When you do hang out with people, you prefer seeing them one on one or in a small group. The more intimate and deep the conversation, the better.

15. You are an observer –watching and studying people’s behavior– and, funny enough, are usually quite well-liked, which can serve to be a problem considering how much time you want to spend by yourself.

16. A full day by yourself makes you feel more youthan anything at all.

17. You tend to enjoy cold, rainy weather, as it gives you even more of an excuse to hibernate in your home and read, sit by the fire, think, curl up, write in your journal.

18. If you are not thinking about life’s big questions, you must be dead.

19. Because you put a premium on spending time alone, you are more present and attentive when you do spend time with people, because you don’t feel as though you’re missing out on time by yourself.

20. You would much rather go on a hike or go to the beach by yourself than with anyone, which isn’t to say you dislike going with people, it’s just a more engaging experience when you do it alone.

HOW PRACTICING GRATITUDE DAILY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

It’s rare that a new idea or concept comes along completely out of the blue and revolutionizes your life. When it happens, you should grab hold of it with two hands and embrace it as much as you can. Since I discovered the life-changing benefits of practicing gratitude, everything has improved beyond recognition.

It started with a book. The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. I had read her first book, the Secret, a few years before and although everything in it made complete sense to me, over time my memory of it faded and so did its impact.

The Magic, on the other hand, has stayed with me. My mind is now bathed in positivity and thankfulness, which has lead to one thing we all want…happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days and negative thoughts and feelings but I’m now better equipped to let them go, in the knowledge that everything is temporary.

Before I discovered the benefits of practicing gratitude on a regular basis, I would have described myself as a grateful person. I had lovely manners after all. But at my core was the belief that happiness was  dependent on external factors.

I went from one goal or dream to another, believing that when I arrived at the next stop I would be happy. Each time I got what I desired – be it a house, car, job or relationship – the happiness was short lived. It lasted until I wanted something else. I wasn’t paying attention to all the wonderful things in my life, instead I was focusing on what i didn’t have.

In fact there have always been so many blessing in my life, which have completely bypassed my conscious. Cupboards full of food, electricity, heating, drainage to name a few. These are pretty huge necessities for a comfortable life and yet until I read the Magic, I had not once said thank you for any of them.

I think the Magic resonated with me because, for the first time in my life, I opened my eyes and saw all the blessings I receive on a daily basis. Finding and appreciating vitally important things such as good health are crucial to sustaining long term happiness. I can see, I can hear, I can walk and I have a healthy heart and mind. And if I were ever to lose my health, I have access to fantastic healthcare in the form of the NHS. How lucky am I? How did I go so long without noticing any of this?

Plenty of research  has shown that those who practice gratitude regularly are happier than those who don’t. When you are continually finding things to be thankful for, how can you not be happy?

I used to look around my world and see only problems and hardships. Now I see a life filled with blessings, gifts and love. So many people around the world would die to live the kind of life I lead. In fact many do – the European Refugee Crisis has highlighted this.

Practicing gratitude takes time, discipline and effort. It’s something I make an effort to do everyday because I know if I stop being thankful my happiness and positivity levels will plummet. Gratitude leads to a long term happiness – the kind that can’t be bought or influenced by external factors.

Of course I still have downs with my ups, but I can recognize the temporary nature of everything and return to my appreciation for the staple blessings in my life.

On the blog tomorrow, I’m going to share a few easy gratitude practices you can perform daily. If you are consistent in your gratitude and really feel the thankfulness for your blessings I can guarantee you that you will only see positive results.

I strive to share this knowledge with my with my children so that gratitude will be second nature to them. I want them to reap the rewards, as I have, but without having to even think about it. If I can teach them to grow in gratitude, I’ll spare them the years of effort I have put into changing my ways.

My mission is to achieve a state of continuous gratitude and to help others do the same. Will you join me? I’ll be posting often about this topic over the coming weeks so please make sure you follow the blog and don’t miss out.

Lifestyle Lessons From Africa's Big Cats

Earlier this year I was lucky enough to spend a few weeks traveling in the African wilderness, far from civilization and surrounded by nature in its rawest form. From the termites who build mountains to the elephants who tear down trees all the animals left an indelible mark in my mind but none more so than the big cats. 

Fearsome predators, awesome athletes, protective parents the big cats are fascinating and intimidating to behold. Beyond the sheer spectacle they also reminded me of simple lifestyle lessons we can all benefit from as we strive to look, feel and perform better in our own lives.

Lesson 1 - It Helps To Be Strong

When you are vying to be king of the jungle it helps to be strong. Strength wins territory, strength wins food, strength wins mates, strength wins a bloodline. Strength for a big cat is everything. 

As humans we have successfully used brains to triumph over brawn but this does not make strength a redundant quality in our own ecosystem. Maintaining decent strength and muscle mass through regular resistance exercise is a worthy pursuit which helps us fend off body fat and improves our physical capabilities.

Lesson 2 - Don't Go Thirsty

Water dictates the lives of big cats with most days built around trips to watering holes and rivers. When the water goes, the big cats vanish shortly after.

The challenge of acquiring good drinking water is far less of an ordeal for most of us. However our biological need for this particular blend of hydrogen and oxygen is no less important. From the micro to the macro everything simply works better when we stay hydrated.

Lesson 3 - It’s Good To Move

When food is scarce big cats spend large chunks of their day roaming their territory looking for dinner. On the flip side, when food is abundant, like in the aftermath of a kill, this calorie wasting exercise is eschewed in favor of rest and relaxation. Energy is a valuable commodity when you have to fight for every meal.

Many years ago our own cycle of movement and rest would have looked very similar. The problem now is our food takes no energy to acquire and comes in almost limitless supply. As a consequence movement is not forced upon us like it once was but this does not make it any less valuable. Our body is hard-wired to expect movement and gets heavier, stagnant and sluggish when it is in short supply.

Lesson 4 - Eat Food You Were Designed To Eat

Big cats are carnivores who eat a diet appropriate for this genetic makeup. If a cheetah were to decide it was more convenient to simply spend all day chewing on grass it wouldn’t be long until things started to unfold and its health took a rapid turn for the worse.  It’s not designed to thrive on this food.

As omnivores we are in the fortunate position of being able to thrive on a whole spectrum of plant and animal foods. Yet many of us opt to be like the cheetah chewing on grass by eating a convenience diet built around processed food. Unsurprisingly, we struggle to thrive on this alien diet.

Lesson 5 - Develop Your Movement Skills

This beautiful leopard made the mistake of messing with a baby warthog whilst mummy was still in the neighbourhood. In a flash the hunter turned into the hunted and without her diverse array of movement skills (sprinting, dodging and climbing) she would have been turned into pulverised warthog fodder. Here she is 10 foot up a tree with her pursuer, out of shot, prowling around at ground level.

The human body is also capable of a fantastic array of movement skills but it is a use it or lose it deal. Spend too much time in one position and your ability to move effectively will slowly erode away. Good luck escaping the angry warthogs in your life when this happens.

Like our leopard friend in the previous picture this cheetah clearly values its flexibility and suppleness as it practices some yoga prior to the evening hunt.

Lesson 6 - Devotion To Sleep

Like any household cat, the big relatives in Africa know how to rest and relax. When the hunting is done, when rival clans have been seen off and when thirst levels have been quenched these guys hit the off switch and let their bodies heal from the previous hours exertion.

In our fast-paced, stressed-out, always-on society we could really benefit from some lion-esque devotion to sleep. Like optimal hydration it simply makes everything better.

Lesson 7 - Sometimes Its Fun To Play

Make no mistake, life is very tough in the wild so it was good to see these youngsters still found some time to play...

… and so should we!

Special thanks to all our feline models for not eating the photographer during the creation of this article and for offering up these valuable lifestyle lessons which to a greater and lesser degree we can all benefit from.