7 Most Powerful Things You Can Say to Your Kids

Effective conversation helps parents create lasting, meaningful relationships with their kids. These 10 powerful statements can get you started on your way.

The Pew Research Center recently showed parents across America a list of 10 skills, asking the question: “Which of these skills is most important for a child to get ahead in the world today?” The winner, by far, was communication. In fact, not only was it chosen as the most important; it beat out traditional favorites, such as reading, writing, teamwork and logic.

Perhaps this is not surprising given our over-connected, always-on world. Yet parents often don’t realize how large of a role they actually play in developing and nurturing this skill. In my book, “Ten Powerful Things to Say to Your Kids: Creating the Relationship You Want with the Most Important People in Your Life,” I stress that effective conversation—what you say, how you say it, when you say it—is one of the only tools parents have in creating lasting and meaningful relationships with their kids.

As the father of two adult children and a grandfather to 13 in my blended family, I know that parents must be conscious of what they say and how they say it. Negative comments can often shape a conversation in a way we don’t realize and it’s important to be aware. Your words and conversations create your reality, your future and your relationships. What you talk about—or don’t talk about—defines your relationship. The primary conversations that surround your children are your conversations—both with them directly and with others while your children are present. And those are the conversations you have the power to change.

And you can start by using my list of the 10 most powerful things you can say to your kids:

1. I Like You: This is a different statement from “I love you.” This statement says, “I like who you are as a person.” Use them both

2. Your are a fast Learner: Learning is natural. Young children are amazing at it. Learning is play to them. What you say to them early influences how they relate to learning later in life, when it can be more difficult or frustrating.

3. Thank You: Simple courtesies are a sign of respect. Social skills are critical in life, and the best training for tact and grace starts early.

4. How about we agree to…: This is about establishing a few basic agreements that set the stage for how you work together within the family. Having agreements in place helps avoid common issues and provides a framework within which to solve problems when they do arise.

5. Tell me more: This is a request for your children to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas with you. It also involves learning to listen, which is always a gift because it signals that you care.

6. Let’s read: Reading to your kids brings so many benefits. It helps them build skills they need for success in life. It enriches your relationship and instills a love of learning. And books provide a gateway to the world—people, places and ideas.

7. We all make mistakes: Problems happen. No one is perfect. Dealing with problems and learning from mistakes are vital life skills. When you have a moment in which you don’t live up to your own standards, it’s an opportunity to show your children how to take responsibility for mistakes and move on. Kids can beat themselves up over not meeting your expectations or not being perfect. Giving each other a little room around this is a gift for both of you.

Kids As Social Entrepreneurs?

Kids changing the world… one act at a time.

More and more, kids are wanting to have a positive impact in the world. They are taking action and mobilizing other kids to address problems from infant mortality in developing nations to neighborhood concerns. They are donating to charities, volunteering to help others and even engaging in social entrepreneurship. They are taking the passion they feel about a cause and undertaking a business-like activity that earns money (or provides other resources) to support that cause.

Alex Scott, for example, was four years old and battling cancer when she started a lemonade stand to raise money for cancer research. After a year, she had raised $2,000. By the time she was eight, she had raised $1 million through the Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation. Many kids like Alex are motivated to pursue a social entrepreneurial activity because they’ve been touched by something serious or significant and are moved to take action. They have had a personal experience with the problem. More often than not, though, these children would be hard pressed to pursue social entrepreneurship without the support and guidance of an adult.


Almost all kids would like to be more involved, only about half are actually participating in giving back to their community. There is much less opportunity for the younger kids to fulfill this need  and they simply can’t take this initiative on their own. The study by Just Kid Inc on Kids as a force for social change, revealed that about 9 out of 10 kids believe that it is extremely, very or somewhat important to help others or give back to their community. Many have displayed the important role of service in their lives over the past year, through their service activities. It seems that the involvement in parents, had an impact on the child and if a parent was involved in community service, their children would follow suit.

Social Entrepreneurial Initiatives for Kids

While teaching children to run businesses on their own or learn to create a spreadsheet is not appropriate, we could impart the basic concepts of social entrepreneurship to kids at an early age.  It will lay the foundation for participating on a bigger scale as they grow older.

Many Social Entrepreneurial organizations such as Ashoka, EchoingGreen, and the Skoll Foundation are inspiring and supporting teens and young adults to be social entrepreneurs. Thanks to these organizations and others, the field of social entrepreneurship has expanded significantly. However, little attention is being given to teaching our nation’s youngest entrepreneurial talent — our future problem solvers.

YesKidzCan is an organization that is empowering kids to engage in Social Entrepreneurship.  They recently launched the Social KidPreneuerz Awards Program. The goal of the program is to make $100 awards to kids in grades 3 through 5 and inspire them to undertake an entrepreneurial activity that benefits society. Each award brings with it a substantial feeling of responsibility and ownership and requires a commitment to complete the task. Their intention is to plant the seeds of social entrepreneurship among younger generations, instilling in them a belief that they can shape their world. They are also developing learning tools for parents, teachers, and community/faith leaders to use with students, either independently or in conjunction with the award application process.

Not every child is suited to be a social entrepreneur but they do have the natural curiosity, imagination, drive, and ability to come up with innovative ways to change the world for the better. By giving them opportunities to get involved and supporting them, we are teaching them they have what it takes to “be the change.” David Bornstein, a well-known expert on social entrepreneurs, , puts it this way: Once an individual has experienced the power of social entrepreneurship, he or she will “never go back to being a passive actor in society.”
When kids start from a young age, they are more likely to lead and create positive change throughout their lives. The result…more social entrepreneurs bringing change…now that has to be a good thing!!