HOW TO MAKE FAILURE YOUR BEST FRIEND

Failure is an awful feeling. No matter who you are and what stage of life you’re at, you will be familiar with the biting, ego-shriveling and embarrassing sensation of failure. It hurts. It stings. It sucks.

But does it have to?

Is it possible to turn failure into a friend? If you do a little research on the topic, you’ll find that many people have done just that (see, for example, this quote from Michael Jordan). There are plenty of famous, successful people who have lauded failure.

But still, after reading all of the above and more, I had an ingrained fear of failure. Until a very close friend of mind demonstrated how it is possible to fail numerous times with grace. Her journey changed my life as well as her own.

My friend Carol lived failure. And she showed me how she turned it into her best friend.

Just over four years ago, Carol started her own business in multi-level marketing (think Avon, Forever Living, Juice Plus etc if you’re not familiar with MLM). She told me that she experienced a collective eye-roll from everyone around her (including her husband) when she announced she was starting this kind of business.

She invited almost 100 people to her launch party. Fifteen people replied to say they would be able to make it. On the day only nine showed up. Most people who received her invitation ignored it.

While I think that would have been enough rejection to put me off the whole idea, Carol pressed on regardless (I went to her launch party and it was fabulous). You see, Carol had a goal. It was a goal shared by many who set out in MLM; indeed it was a goal shared by many parents. Carol wanted to give up her ‘day job’ as a teacher so that she could earn money while working around her family.

For the first two years of running her business, Carol made little money. People were incredibly mean to her at times. She was told that she would never make any money, that it wasn’t a real business and some people even ‘unfriended’ her on Facebook when she invited them to her home parties.

While I supported Carol, I have to admit that deep down I thought that she should find a better way to pursue her dream. I just didn’t see how she would make it profitable, although I never said that to her.

I feel ashamed of my secret opinion now. Because today, Carol has built up a huge team of people and has achieved one of the highest levels in the business. She brings in a great income and, most importantly, she has achieved her goal. She gave up her teaching job a few months ago and is able to work from home full-time, fitting it in around her kids.

I asked Carol about her journey recently, assuming that the years of failure preceding her success must have been soul-destroying for her. Yet again, Carol surprised me with her answer. She said that although it was soul destroying at first, she learned to love the failure. It became her best friend.

Her attitude shocked and inspired me. I needed to know more. When I told her about this little blog, she offered to share some failure tips.

So here is what my dear friend told me about how to make failure your best friend:

1. Research failure like you’d research a dissertation

If you’re in the throes of failure, you could let it punch you in the face continuously and spend your time mopping up the blood. Or, you could learn about your opponent so you’re better able to dodge the punches.

Carol read books on failure and listened to podcasts and TED talks on the subject. She learned about others who had failed before her. She became armed with knowledge until she was able to cajole failure into becoming her friend.

2. Take ego out of the equation

Carol told me so many times how people had snubbed her or ignored her when she tried to promote her business. Yet she refused to let her bruised ego dictate whether it was time to give up or not. Let’s face it, your ego will tell you to give up as soon as it receives the first dent.

Instead, Carol determined whether she should press on or give up by how she felt about her business and her goal. She told me that she loved the products she was selling and she really believed in them. She enjoyed working in her business and was passionate about reaching her goal. To that end, she could accept the shit sandwiches thrown at her on a regular basis.

It is possible to make failure into a friend. But ego and failure will never be friends. Fact.

3. Figure out how failure has helped you be a better person.

Carol is adamant that if she could relive her business journey over, she wouldn’t change a thing. This is because, according to her, the years of failure have made her stronger and more resilient.

She says she learned so much about herself – her strengths, her weaknesses and the parts of her personality she needed to work on. If her business had succeeded straight away, what would she have learned about herself? Not a lot.

Carol much prefers the person she is today and without the failure she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to grow. She’s more patient than she used to be and no longer compares herself to other people. She learned the art of perseverance and realized what is important in her life and what is just window dressing.

According to Carol, it’s not just her that has benefited from failure’s teachings. Her husband and kids have too, because she is ‘a nicer, calmer and more patient person now’.

4. Find at least one person to support you

The majority of Carol’s friends and family were unsupportive of her business venture. This was primarily because they just didn’t understand it. She says that finding like-minded people to lean on was crucial. She found a group of consultants from the same company and they started a Facebook group. This little group was a lifeline. They shared the ups and (many) downs together in a flurry of support, encouragement and rants.

Carol accepted that most people didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. Therefore, their opinions about her venture weren’t important to her. If you have just one person who’s got your back, you’ll be far more likely to succeed.

Failure can become your best friend but it’s a much better relationship if there’s a third party present.

5. Giving up is not failing

You’ll find much advice on failure which tells you that you should never give up. Carol disagrees. She believes if you start resenting what you’re doing and stop enjoying it (i.e. you stop cheerfully being splatted by shit sandwiches) then it may be time to reconsider. There’s no point persevering and continuing to fail in pursuit of a goal which has changed or a passion that has long gone.

According to Carol, giving up does not mean failure has won. You will still learn a lot about yourself.  Many successful people fail at successive ventures until they find one that’s right for them. They will always have the lessons failure taught them, no matter which path they were on when it happened.

Be proud of yourself for trying. You’re one step ahead of most people already.

Carol’s parting thoughts on failure are as follows: ‘Failure is part of my success. Without the years of failure, the success I enjoy today wouldn’t taste as sweet. I still fully expect to fail at times in the future as my business carries on growing. I don’t believe success is a final destination, because failure is my friend now and comes with me wherever I go. As with life, there will be ups and downs in my business and I’m ready for that.’

The Secret To Success Is Giving

As social entrepreneurs, we need to use business strategies to develop our social entrepreneurship and make it more sustainable, but with so many books and articles on success it can be very overwhelming! The problem is that a lot of them focus on getting rather than giving so we must ensure that we find principles that align with our values and empower us to develop a successful social entrepreneurship within a framework of serving and giving.

We have all heard someone being described as a “go-getter.” It conjures up the thought of a successful and determined person who will stop at nothing to get to the top. I have just finished reading an excellent book called “The Go-Giver, A Little Story About A Powerful Business Idea” by Bob Burg and John David Mann. It is a parable about a young man called Joe, a true “go-getter”, who is ambitious and desperately wants to be successful. The problem is the harder he works, the further away he is from his goal of being successful. Joe comes to the end of a bad sales quarter and becomes desperate to land a key sale, so he seeks leverage and clout from a legendary consultant, called Pindar.

What Joe gets instead, from Pindar and his friends, is lessons on “go-giving”. Pindar tells Joe “Most people just laugh when they hear that the secret to success is giving…Then again, most people are nowhere near as successful as they wish they were.” Pindar and his friends share with Joe, the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success, and Joe learns that changing his focus from getting to giving leads to unexpected returns.
The details of the story are necessary to understand the Five Laws but this is the summary of them.

THE FIVE LAWS OF STRATOSPHERIC SUCCESS
1. The Law of Value
Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
2. The Law of Compensation
Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
3. The Law of Influence
Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interest first.
4. The Law of Authenticity
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
5. The Law of Receptivity
The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

This book will inspire you as you go on the same journey that Joe goes on. You will find that you come away with strategies and principles that will improve not only your social entrepreneurship but they will also enrich your life and relationships.

In my post on Leaving a Legacy, I referred to success as something that can be short term but significance is the long-term value we place on our life to make a difference. If we can achieve success through giving and serving, then we will be living a life of significance. I have always liked the quote from Sir Winston Churchill “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” How purposeful and satisfying, though, when we can make a living and a life by what we give!

30 Success Secrets You Must Know Before Starting To Exercise

One of the things that excites me most is hearing about someone who has decided to start exercising regularly to become healthier. If you are one of those people, I highly commend you for your decision and am writing this specifically for you.

You are about to change your life for the better and give your body the attention that it rightfully deserves. It means that you are going to join a growing percentage of the population that exercises regularly. It also means that you are on your way to experiencing:

• Better energy
• Weight and body-fat loss
• Better sleep
• Better disease prevention
• Improved mood
• Better sex
• Reduced stress
• Increased self-confidence
• Increased happiness

Just like you, I decided to start exercising regularly a few years ago and change my life. In order to succeed in attaining your goals and staying healthy, there is some important information that you should note and remember before you plan and begin your exciting new exercise regimen. Here is what I have learned and recommend:

1. You Are Doing a Great Thing by Investing in Your Health
Your decision to start exercising should be celebrated! You are making the most important investment in yourself because, along with time, your health is the most precious asset you have.

2. It Won’t Be Easy
It is important to realize and come to terms with the fact that you will experience some discomfort and difficulty on your road to exercising regularly and becoming healthier. Like any other endeavor in life, there will be some trials and tribulations when you are first starting out. Your body will need some time to adjust to the increased activity. Once you are mindful of this and accept it, you will be better prepared to handle the discomfort and know that it is only temporary.

3. It Won’t Be Too Difficult for You
This is closely related to #2 above: Once you have accepted the fact that you will almost certainly experience some challenges and discomfort on the road to exercising regularly, also realize that the difficulties you encounter won’t be so difficult that you cannot overcome them. You have the innate ability to withstand these difficult times and conquer them. In other words, it may not be easy at first, but it also won’t be as difficult as you might imagine.

4. Pain/Discomfort Indicates You Are Making Progress
You most likely will suffer some aches and pains when you first start working out. Of course, it is wise to consult your doctor before you start any exercise program, especially if you have pre-existing medical conditions. Realize that experiencing some minor aches is part of the process and that even seasoned athletes incur them. If you have not exercised in a long time and walk a mile the first day, your legs will most likely be sore the next day. That is normal. The trick is to know when you should rest your body and when to to push through minor discomfort.

5. Your Mind Is the Biggest Obstacle
As with most changes, know that your mind will be the biggest obstacle to overcome. When you first start exercising after leading a sedentary lifestyle, your body is not the only part of you that needs to adjust. Most people are resistant to change and the mind is a big part of it. Your mind will often start its incessant internal chatter the moment things get difficult. It will come up with a hundred reasons why you should not face your difficulties head on and conquer them because it is much easier to give an excuse and quit. But, as we all know, giving in to excuses does not work in the long run because it is only a temporary fix which leads you back to square one, the very place you did not want to be in in the first place. So be aware of this chatter and prepared for your mind to provide all sorts of flimsy excuses when things get slightly challenging. Detach yourself from this mind chatter and observe it from a distance without giving in to it. You may have negative thoughts that are counterproductive to your exercise goals, but realize that thoughts are just that and have no power unless you authenticate them by acting upon them. You are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not you. You have a choice on how to respond.

6. Make It Fun
Contrary to what some people might believe, exercising can be a lot of fun. There are so many different options today when it comes to exercise that there is definitely something for you. Make your exercise sessions fun by choosing activities that you enjoy. From basketball to Zumba, yoga to kayaking, and kickboxing to hiking, the possibilities are almost endless.

7. Change It Up
Because there are so many exercise options these days, I suggest that you try different things and add variety to your exercise regimen. For example, besides joining a gym and lifting weights and doing cardio, you could also go cycling, enroll in a dance class, go for brisk morning walks with a friend, work out with kettlebells, take up swimming, etc.

8. Resist the Temptation to Make It ‘All or Nothing’
Let’s say you go to the gym and plan on walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes but only manage to complete 30. That is better than not doing anything at all and does not mean you have failed. Walking half a mile when your goal was to walk for a mile is still progress so forget the ‘all or nothing’ attitude. As the famous saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just make sure you are moving forward.

9. Do Not Be Hard on Yourself
Closely related to point #8 listed above, it is important that you do not be too hard on yourself. Celebrate each little accomplishment rather than berate yourself for falling short of your ideal. There will be times when you will be slowed by obstacles, that is only natural. Treat yourself with love and kindness the way you would someone else.

10. Take Small Steps but Always Move Forward
When it comes to exercise, it is important to always make progress, even if it means only taking small steps. The worst thing you can do is to not move forward or, even worse, regress. If you were only able to walk for 10 minutes, that is a success.

11. Make It a Habit
One key to successfully making exercise a regular part of your life is to make it an ingrained habit. Think of some of the habits you have cultivated in your life, from brushing your teeth, to showering, to eating. Prioritize your daily routine and make exercise high on that list of priorities. For example, I have chosen to exercise in the morning after I wake up, brush my teeth and meditate. It eradicates the guesswork and scheduling issues and becomes clockwork.

12. Do It Anyway, Show Up
This is a key point. There will be times when you do not feel like going to the gym. Your mind will creatively come up with all sorts of reasons and excuses why it is permissible to skip a workout, and it can be very convincing. In such a case, do it anyway. Show up. It might be raining heavily and you do not feel like working out, but do it anyway. Your legs are achy and your mind is telling you that you need to skip the workout, but do it anyway. You drank too much wine the night before and you would rather stay in bed than exercise, but do it anyway. You just had an argument with your spouse and you are in no mood to go to the gym, but do it anyway. You get the drift. Stick to your exercise schedule no matter what.

13. Momentum Is Good and Will Help Carry You Through
Even though you may find your initial workout sessions challenging, the momentum you will develop by exercising regularly will start to take effect and keep you going. That is why it is important not to miss scheduled workouts. It is similar to any other endeavor in life. It may seem difficult at first, but with consistent effort, it gets easier as you gain momentum. So keep that momentum going.

14. Involve Friends
A wonderful way to ensure that you exercise regularly is to involve your friends. Reach out to friends who also want to exercise and change their lives. Make a commitment to exercise together regularly, offer each other moral support, and help one another during difficult times. Not only does doing so make exercise more fun, it also increases your chances of success because of the commitment you and your friends have made.

15. Involve Family
Including family members in regular exercise is a wonderful and wholesome way to get healthy while spending time with those you love. Instead of watching a movie on the couch, get active with your spouse, kids, and/or parents and exercise.

16. Celebrate Each Workout
Each and every time you exercise is a reason to celebrate! You have just made the effort to invest in your health; what could be better than that? You deserve to celebrate and pat yourself on the back. Of course, refrain from celebrating by going out and devouring a whole pizza or drinking too much alcohol. Celebrate in a wholesome way in mind, body and spirit.

17. Do Fun Activities
As you slowly but surely get more in shape, I suggest including fun activities into your exercise routines. For example, you could go camping, or try rock climbing, or go roller skating, or bowling, or learn how to paddle board. Identify and engage in activities that you truly enjoy and it will add variety to your life while keeping you active. Try to limit activities that are sedentary such as sitting on the couch and watching a movie or going to a bar.

18. Take Photos of Yourself
A wonderful gift you can give to yourself is to take regular photos of yourself each week (or more often) to illustrate and document your progress. I suggest that you start taking photos before you begin your very first exercise session. Try to take the photos in the same place each time (for example, in front of your bathroom mirror) while wearing the same or similar clothing. This will better allow you to see your progress. And, trust me, there is nothing more exciting than seeing your progress in the way of photos. Even if you are overweight now and not pleased with how you look, take the photos anyway because it will inspire you in the long run and help chart your success.

19. Keep a Journal
Another effective idea is to keep a personal exercise journal to record your journey. Try to write down as much as you can, including the smallest details. These include the days you exercised, the duration, what exercises you did, the weights you lifted, how you felt before and after (both good and bad), etc. If done diligently, this journal will become extremely valuable and precious to you over the long run. It will also help you fine-tune your exercise routines.

20. Do Not Worry if People Are Watching
Some people who are new to exercising worry about other people looking or staring at them. In fact, many people who see themselves as overweight have told me that they are extremely conscious of others looking at them in the gym or on the jogging path. Let me say from the onset that I empathize with these people and understand their perceived embarrassment and/or fear. People should not stare and make others uncomfortable because it is rude. However, it is also important to remember two things: People are not staring at you as much as you think, if at all. Secondly, even if people do stare, you cannot do much about it and have the power to ignore them. You are making the effort to get in shape and change your life. That is something to be commended. Ignore the stares that you think you might be receiving and focus on your workout. Realize that people who might look at you may be doing so with admiration and respect. Also, explore the possibility that your self-consciousness might be exaggerating the extent to which people are looking at you. Focus on yourself and not on others. You deserve it.

21. Don’t Forget Your Diet
If you want to see quicker results in the way of weight and body-fat loss, it is important to pay attention to what you eat and drink. Of course, even if you do not alter your eating habits, regular exercise will have a positive effect and help you become healthier. But if you want to accomplish your health goals faster, eat healthier. Eat more vegetables and lean proteins, and stay away from processed foods, sugar, bad fats, and limit your alcohol intake. Recognize that your diet greatly affects your health goals. Your body is an amazing machine that deserves proper fuel. When you pay attention to your nutrition in tandem with regular exercise, you will see results much faster. You will also feel much better.

22. Drink Lots of Water
One of the best things you can do when you embark on an exercise program is to drink lots of water. I recommend drinking at least 8 cups per day. Fill a 64oz container with water every morning and try to finish it before you go to bed. The health benefits of drinking adequate water daily are well-documented so hydrate your body! Stay away from exercise and sports drinks because most contain sugar and artificial ingredients.

23. Up Your Protein Intake and Lower Your Carbs and Bad Fat
One mistake people make when engaging in an exercise program is not consuming enough protein. Make sure you eat enough lean protein (fish, shellfish, lean meat, tofu, nuts, etc). You can also supplement your diet with a good protein shake. If you are trying to lose weight and body fat, reduce your intake of saturated and other bad fats and processed carbohydrates. Eat lots of vegetables.

24. Cut Back or Eliminate Alcohol
I also suggest reducing or eliminating your alcohol intake. Not only does alcohol contain empty calories, it also can affect how you feel the next day. Having a hangover is not conducive if your goal is to exercise regularly.

25. Clean Out Your Pantry and Fridge
One of the best things you can do before starting your exercise program is to go through your pantry and get rid of unhealthy snacks and foods. Do the same with your refrigerator. Reduce your exposure to temptation by only stocking up on fresh, healthy food and snacks. There are so many healthy options these days so take advantage of them.

26. Get Proper Sleep
Now that you are committed to exercising regularly, it is important that you get adequate sleep every day to help your body rest and recover. Getting proper sleep is essential when you are exercising regularly. Try to skip or reduce the late nights and try to sleep and wake up early.

27. Morning Workouts Are Best
I highly recommend exercising as early in the morning as possible. This is when you are most rested and least distracted by the demands of the day. Exercising in the mornings will also allow you to start the day on a high note, release endorphins and serotonin, and make you feel great. You will have more energy and be better equipped to handle the rest of your day.

28. Inspire Yourself
One thing I encourage you to do as you dive in to your new exercise routine is to seek inspiration from others. There are so many inspirational and motivational stories and videos available that will prove to you that you are not alone in your efforts to get healthy. YouTube, Facebook, Vimeo and the like are great resources, as are books and articles online. Immerse yourself in these inspirational stories and anecdotes for you to learn from. Speak to others who motivate you, especially those who have successfully achieved what you want to achieve. We are all in this together and can motivate one another. Soon you will play the role of motivator and inspire others.

29. Make Goals but Break It Down
Once you commit to getting fit and healthier, I suggest that you spend some time listing your goals and writing it down. It is prudent to check with your doctor to make sure it does not conflict with any medical conditions you may have. It could be on your phone or in a journal. Make your goals specific and measureable because that is the best way to monitor your progress. For example, instead of having the vague goal of working out a few times per week, it is better to be specific and commit to working out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for 1 hour each time. If your goal is to lose weight or body fat, be specific about how many pounds or body fat % you would like to lose. Having clear goals will reduce any ambiguity and help you achieve your goals faster because it takes out the guess work.

30. Visualization
Visualization can be a great tool in helping you stick to your exercise regimen and achieve the goals you desire. Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself as being healthy, in great shape and looking the way you want to look. Visualize it as if you have already accomplished it. You will be amazed at how effective visualization can be if it is done consistently.